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Helpful Higgs Advice

9 Apr 2009, 16:25 UTC
Helpful Higgs Advice
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Via Swans on Tea, I found this satirical article in Canada's The Morning News by Toronto-based writer Michael Rottman, offering some helpful survival tips should one accidentally swallow a Higgs boson, with the unfortunate side effect that one's mass begins...Via Swans on Tea, I found this satirical article in Canada's The Morning News by Toronto-based writer Michael Rottman, offering some helpful survival tips should one accidentally swallow a Higgs boson, with the unfortunate side effect that one's mass begins to increase at an alarming rate. My personal favorite among the 10 tips:Initiate a quantum fluctuation which resembles the formation of a new universe. The Higgs boson will attempt to create mass in the faux-universe; when it does, phase yourself out of this dimension before the boson gets wise. You may also need to rally intermediate vector bosons to keep the Higgs occupied while you make your escape. It may be encouraging to know that if something goes wrong, you have a viable kidney in each of the 11 dimensions.Of course, initiating a quantum fluctuation that gives rise to a baby universe -- or at least a fluctuation that causes something resembling said baby universe to pop into existence for a ...

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